When will I learn.

You shouldn't complain.
You should be thankful.
You should feel blessed.
It's not as bad as you think it is.
Everyone is in the same boat, what makes you so different?
Just get over it.

In the past 6 months, I've changed jobs, took a pay cut doing so, and am struggling to not wake up hungry.  I lost my first grandson, in utero, two days before he was due to be born.  My youngest has moved out to school; I hardly ever see my kids anymore. I'm on night shift so I technically only get Sunday off do catch up on housework, etc.  My gasoline budget only covers work-home travel, so there's no going to the beach or anywhere else for that matter.  Forget shopping in any form. Forget vacations.  Forget new clothes (even though my job has a dress code).

But I'm to sit with a smile plastered on my face and be happy.

You have a home.
You have a car.
At least you can go to the Only-A-Dollar Store and get some food.
Count your blessings.

I have a hard time counting my blessings when, just a few short years ago, I was "living large."  I had some extra money after paying all of my bills and grocery shopping.  I wasn't hungry.  I could get my car repaired if it was broken.  I could get my home repaired if something broke.  I could replace worn out clothing.  I could take trips. I could add more plants to my garden.

I thought that when I became an empty-nester, that things would be easier.  But now I still have to pay for family medical coverage ($500 a month deduction) but have no child support to offset it.  I have no money to help my kids out when they need it. I've cut back on a lot of my bills. Some, like extra insurance, I've done away with altogether. Why should I cut back any more? There's a bunch of people up the street with "lazyitis" who don't work for a living, but live better than me.  I've worked too hard to get this far and now I'm supposed to fall back?

I left a highly stressful job. One of the reasons was that, even though I had a very important role in the public's life, I was unimportant and nonessential. Now I'm at a less stressful job and my unimportance matches it.

I just wonder what was the reason that I was put on this planet? I'm not that special of a person: one of my ex-s is a child molester, but he's happily married, my other ex had all kinds of excuses why he couldn't get married, and meets a chick just months after we broke up and marries her. I don't seem to fit in anywhere. I expect fairness, justice and respect, but that shit ain't happening these days.
I honestly can understand why there are shootings and suicides. I can relate. Little things, from the asshole that won't turn his high beams off or who likes to thump his music so loud I can hear it over the TV in my enclosed house to big things, the politicians making millions telling me what is best for me and to shut up and smile, minion.

All I can hope for, is I die in my sleep, and soon. I don't want to see what crap hits the fan this year.