I know it has been quite a long time since I've posted something. A lot has happened.
I had surgery last July. What could be called female castration. I had to have my ovaries removed due to very painful (couple trips to the E.R.) ovarian cysts. Doctor discovered that I had severe endometriosis and probably had it most of my life since the scarring was so bad. After four weeks off of what should have been six weeks, I returned to work. I went on hormone replacement therapy about that time. Severe depression, hot flashes, couldn't sleep. Still didn't work. Got the HRT increased about 2 weeks later. Still have mood problems: rage, depression, melancholy.
Then, I had an angry outburst at work. Got a three-day suspension. I got moved to night shift (a less senior person was moved to my day spot), which jacks up my HRT. Funny thing is, this week, two people said my attitude has improved since I went on nights. (Gee, could it be the psychotherapy I have for an hour a week?) Guess I will be stuck on nights til I resign or die at the console (I can't afford to retire).
During this time I've discovered a few things. One, I am not ignored or banished because I'm a shitty person. I was banished because they are afraid of me and my abilities. I am a better dispatcher than some of the people there. I think outside of the box. I make my concerns known. On that last remark: two, this county doesn't like change, even if it would make things better. The old money/power that has been here thinks things are fine just the way they are, even if corruption is rampant and people are apathetic.
I'm just gonna keep on being me, no matter what mood the HRT puts me in. At least I am real life, not some brown-nosing sycophant. They may not like what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyway. If it's wrong, it's wrong. If it's right, it's right.
