Sitting at work, during a lull. Its absolutely ridiculous how things go.
New rules were created because of the law enforcement agency that is in this county building, but those dispatchers don't have to follow those rules. Just us. We answer more emergency lines, but they treat us like second class citizens. We have to talk on phones while using the radios, but their radio people are logged off their phones. I've done this job 11 years and have nothing to show for it except medical problems. No thanks or certificates of appreciation. Mostly treated like shit by coworkers and the public.
My kids are off doing their own thing while Mommy pays the bills by herself. They go out to eat and I'm eating Ramen and chicken nuggets, if I have money for groceries.
I'm just totally convinced that I should never have been put on this planet. If I would die tomorrow, nothing would change. I wouldn't be missed. The universe has showed me that I was meant to be alone to handle all this crap while child molesters get to be happily married. Where am I on the totem pole of people? Lower than child molesters. Damaged goods. Too independent, fat, or unattractive for the opposite sex.
I'm just sick of it all. I can't even find joy in living in Florida anymore. I spend so much time working to pay bills and doing my have-to chores, I have no time left.
My definition of the meaning of life: work, struggle, suffer and misery. I sure haven't been disappointed.
